Should I stay or should I go.

I have been in Toronto now since August and aside from the last bit of summer and OCAD, I really can't say that I like this city at all. I find myself constantly talking about Vancouver and consequently annoying myself and making Torontonians mad.

Last Wednesday I came home and saw the letter from Emily Carr University that I was told would arrive mid-April. I was beginning to get really comfortable in the in limbo and my routine of 17 hour days at OCAD was something that I absolutely loved. In the in between space of not knowing what I'm gonna do come September, I guess I started to feel stability in uncertainty. It was strange. Mistaken or not, I found the structure that I had been asking for. Perhaps I was so desperate to find it in a person, that it manifested instead into something else. And in that strangeness and uncertainty I began to like Toronto through the windows of OCAD. From the angle of the 5th floor window of the school's "tabletop", Grange park and the cityscape looked perfect. The weather is warm. Warm enough for me to ride my bike, Chaplin. The glint of the sun against the metallic blue of the AGO was almost Scandinavian, I bet I could fool myself. And it has been a while since I last seriously thought about Cory.

I tore the letter open and read the words that after 3 attempts were finally in front of me.
"Congratulations, we welcome you to Emily Carr University."
And as the words passed through my eyes, I set the letter down on my desk and walked towards the washroom to fix the broken toilet that Amar, my roommate, had texted me about earlier in the day. Perhaps its because it was 1 am and my mind was reeling with a combination of financial problems, excitement for a new piece and the butterflies of having to show my new work early the next morning, but the word "Congratulations" just seemed lackluster. Like instead of it made of solid silver, it was hollow and covered with aluminum foil instead.

I went to bed, defeated by the broken toilet and needing to go.
The next morning I woke up, the letter forgotten, already lost under books and bills somewhere on my desk.

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